


Ianto Jones and the Intergalactic Coffee Pot: Part Two

by look_turtles



Series: The Intergalactic Coffee Pot [2]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 16:14:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/look_turtles/pseuds/look_turtles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto washes his coffee pot spaceship and has more adventures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ianto Jones and the Intergalactic Coffee Pot: Part Two

Ianto woke up inside his coffee pot spaceship on an alien world. He was a man on a mission. It was the tenth day of his holiday and knew something very important was going to get done today. He untangled himself from Jack (he felt a little guilty, but he had much to do and didn't have time to cuddle in bed) and picked his psychic fabric-shirt off the floor. He closed his eyes and changed the shirt from pink silk to purple silk. It felt like a purple kind of day. When Jack had shown him how to change the fabric he had made Ianto's shirt too tight which had not been surprising at all.

He had toast (why a spaceship had a toaster he would never know) and a cup of tea. He got all his equipment ready and stepped outside. He surveyed the spaceship and grimmiced at the film of dust and dirt on its outside. He sat his bucket of soapy water on the ground, rolled up his sleeves and got down to work.

The suns were high in the sky when Ianto finished. It had taken him longer than expected to wash the ship, but once he was done the ship's copper haul gleamed and if Ianto didn't know any better he would think that the engines were humming happily.

Ianto went back into the ship and found Jack in the kitchen. He was sitting at the metal kitchen table naked and was chewing on a piece of blue fruit.

Jack swallowed a piece of fruit. 'What have you been up to?'

'Just washing the ship. It was looking dirty.'

'You do know we're on holiday right.'

'I know. I know.'

Ianto hoped Jack wasn't mad. Jack had gone to all the trouble of setting everything up so they could go on holiday and Ianto thought the least he could do was enjoy himself. Although if Ianto was honest he would have to say that he did enjoy cleaning. Nothing gave him more satisfaction than eradicating dirt and grim and to think he had first wanted to be Jack's butler just to save Lisa.

'Are you mad?' Ianto asked.

'Nope. Why would I be mad. Asking you not to clean would be like asking me not to drink coffee. Speaking of coffee... Could you... You know?'

Ianto went over to the coffee pot on the counter. As he turned on the machine he grinned. Even though they were on holiday some things never changed. Jack's love of coffee being one of them.

********  
Ianto was laying on his back floating down an alien river. He had turned his psychic fabric into swim trunks. The water was warmed by a red sun and a breeze blew through pink and blue trees. Ianto was so content that he sighed. For once in a long time he didn't have to worry about defending the Earth from alien invasion, or even worse fighting off sentient teddy bears. Just thinking about those evil beard made Ianto shudder. 

'Having fun?' Jack asked from behind Ianto.

'Of course.'

'Want to have more fun?'

'Is that a come on?'

Jack laughed. 'Sure, if you want it to be, but I had another idea.'

Jack swam to the shore and Ianto followed. Once the got back to the coffee pot scpaceship Jack and Ianto dried each other off with white, fluffy towels. They laughed and Ianto was stuck by how wonderful Jack looked when he laughed, the crinkles around his eyes were Ianto's favourite part.

'So what's the surprise?' Ianto asked as he turned his swim trucks into a dark gray, wool suit and a pink dress shirt and pink tie.

Jack took Ianto's hand and lead him to the ships control room. If most of the ship looked almost cozy than the control room looked cold and unfriendly. The walls and floor were covered with gray metal and there were buttons and knobs on every surface. The ceiling was made of glass.

Jack went over to a wall and pushed buttons. As the ship shook Ianto was almost knocked over. After several long moments the ship stopped shaking. He couldn't see any difference in the ship.

'What happened?' Ianto asked as Jack came over to him with a big grin on his face.

'You'll see.'

The ship than lifted into the air and flew. As Ianto watched the far wall became transparent and Ianto watched in awe as trees and land flew past. He still didn't know what Jack had planned, but knowing Jack it would be something amazing. Jack never did anything by halves after all.

As they flew an ocean appeared on the horizon. At first Ianto thought they were going to have a picnic on the beach, but the ocean kept getting closer and closer. The ship lowered itself into the water and sunk. It swam through the water much like it flew through the air which would have seemed strange, but Ianto was too enthralled by the alien fish outside the glass wall to notice.

The fish came in all kinds of shapes, sizes and colors. As the ship sunk deeper and the water turned dark the fish started to have a green glow.

Ianto tore his eyes away from the wall. 'You turned our ship into a submarine?'

'Nope, the ship turned herself into a submarine I just asked her to do it for you.'

'Really?'

'Of course. She really adores you.'

'Thank you,' Ianto said to the ship and he swore that the ships engine hummed happily.

'Are we just going to travel through the ocean? Ianto asked as he looked out the wall.

Jack came up behind Ianto and kissed Ianto's neck. 'Maybe I have another surprise, you'll just have to wait and see.'

Ianto grinned and watched glowing fish swim past the wall.

After several minutes a dark shape came into view. At first Ianto thought it was a mountain range, but as it got closer it appeared to be giant golden towers.

'Is this your surprise?' Ianto asked.

'Yep. Welcome to the city of Mercurius.'  
**************

Ianto took a deep breath and looked around the city before him. Buildings of golden metal stood like sentries above a white stone rode and high above that a clear dome incapsulated the city. The people that lived in the city were known as mer-people and unlike the mer-people that populated the children stories of Earth they had the upper bodies of fish and the lower bodies of humans. Jack and Ianto walked through the city. Jack was busy telling Ianto about the time he had had an orgy with five mer-people when Ianto caught a glimps of a familiar red coat and Ianto felt dread.

A group of mer-people ran up to John Hart and stood in a group, their voices raised in anger, and Jack and Ianto made thier way through the group. John was yelling in an unknown language.

'What's going on here?' Jack asked.

John's eyes went wide and under any other circumstances it would have been comical. 'Thank Goddess. Get me out of here.'

'What did you do?' Jack asked

'Nothing.'

'The group of angry people would say different,' Ianto said as the yelling became even louder.

'It's mearly a misunderstanding.'

Suddenly, the crowd parted and a huge mer-person dressed in armour and feathers came up to John and grabbed him by his collar.

The mer-solider lifted John off the ground and carried him away. John yelled for help Ianto just smirked, it couldn't have happened to a better bastard.

Ianto watched as the crowd dissipated as quickly as it appeared. 'Well, that was weird.'

'I'll say.'

'What should we do?'

'Let's get some lunch and leave John to the mer-people.'

Ianto grinned. Letting John face his punishment sounded good to Ianto.

Jack and Ianto walked though the city until the came to a cafe, at least Ianto thought the square, golden building was a cafe.

The sat down at a table and Jack said something in a gurgling voice to their waiter.

Once their food came Ianto was having second thoughts about letting Jack order. A squirming pile of tentacles sat on a plate. Ianto's stomach flipped as Jack slurped up his tenticals.

'Aren't you going to eat? These tentacles are known as an afrodisiac,' Jack said with a wink.

Ianto rolled his eyes. He was certain that everything was aphrodisiac to Jack.

Ianto picked up tentacles and sniffed it. The smell of salt filled his nose. He took a bite and chewed. As he swallowed a piece of meat he thought, except for the squirming, it tasted like chicken. Ianto was proud of himself. When in Mercurius do as the mer-people do and all that.  
*******

After lunch, Jack and Ianto went into one of the towers and walked into a room. The walls were made of white stone and the floor was purple wood. Ianto looked out the window above the large bed in the middle of the room; the city was spread out before him.

'This is amazing,' Ianto said in awe.

'Glad you like it,' Jack said as he came up behind Ianto and kissed Ianto's neck. 'I have one more surprise.'

'Really, what is it?'

'You'll just have to wait and see.'

Jack unzipped Ianto's trousers and pulled out Ianto half-hard cock. Ianto groaned.

Ianto groaned even more when Jack started stroking Ianto's cock. Ianto hardened and breathed Jack's pheromones. Faster and faster Jack stroked until Ianto came. Ianto leaned against Jack and closed his eyes. He couldn't remember the time he come that quickly, maybe those tentacles really were an aphrodisiac.   
***********

Ianto spent the rest of the day wondering what Jack's surprise was. Later that night, Jack took Ianto to the royal palace. Unlike the rest of the city that was golden towers, the palace was a squat, square building made of grey stone. Ianto was sitting at a long stone table listening to Jack talk to the mer-queen in a gurgling language. The mer-queen had orange, scaly skin and big black eyes.

She clapped her hands and a door opened. John Hart was brought into the room. He was shackled and had been stripped of everything expect his shirt and trousers. 

'What's going on?' asked Jack.

Jack made a gurgling noice and the queen gurgled back.

'John stole the queen's egg and she wants me to intarigate John as a personal favour.'

'Oh. Good luck,' Ianto said because what could one say to something like that.

Jack got up from the table and went over to John. 'Where's the egg?'

'Fuck if I know,' said John.

'Come on, John. Just give the egg back.'

John grimissed. 'If I knew where the bloody egg was I'd give it back just to get my coat back.'

As Ianto watched the conversation he didn't know whether John was telling the truth or not, but a plan began to form in his mind. He always loved a good mystery, when he had been a boy his mother would always read him Agatha Cristie books before bed.

'Jack, I have an idea.'

Jack turned around. 'Really?'

'Really. Could you ask the queen to show me where the egg was last seen?'

Jack and the queen talked for several moments and than she got up from the table and lead Jack and Ianto to a small room. The room was empty except for a stone pedestal with a pillow sitting on top of it. Ianto went over to the pillow and look down at it. A yellow button sat in the middle of the pillow. Picking up the button, Ianto rubbed its surface.

'That looks like one of the buttons on John's coat,' Jack said.

'Yep.'

'I guess he did take the egg.'

'I'm not so sure. When you were a con-man would you have left something so obvious in such a compicuous place?'

'Good point.'

Ianto was about to leave the room when something caught his eye. A small pink feather lay on the floor. Picking up the feather, Ianto knew he had to talk to the queen.

Ianto knocked on the door of the queen's sleeping chamber and stepped into the room. As with the room that held the egg, the queen's room was empty and made of stone. The queen was in the middle of the room, a mer-solider was standing next to her.

Ianto stood in the doorway as Jack went up to the queen and showed her the feather. As soon as the mer-solider saw the feather everything went pear shaped. The mer-solider pushed Jack to the floor and the queen let out a scream. As the mer-solider run towards Ianto, Ianto did the only thing he could, he acted. He reached inside the pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a stun gun and fired at the mer-solider. Twitching, he fell to ground.

More mer-soliders ran past Ianto and entered the room. They surrounded the mer-solider who was on the floor and Ianto put his stun gun back in his pocket.  
*************

Ianto sat at a stone table next to him sat the queen. Jack was sitting on her other side and Jack and the queen were having a very animated conversation. Since Ianto had found out what happened to the queen's egg, the soldier had planned to hold the egg for ransom, Ianto was the queen's honoured guest.

As food, at least Ianto thought the blue goo was food, was put down in front of him Ianto let the sounds of the gurgling language wash over him. He could now understand why Jack liked his beautiful Welsh vowels. Ianto didn't know what the rest of their holiday held, but he knew as long as he was with Jack he would be happy.


End file.
